Friday, April 5, 2013

It's good to have people you can count on.

There are few people in this world that I feel I can be completely honest with. That I feel I can share whatever is going on in my life or whatever weird thought I have and know that they will still love me and care for me at the end of the day. I am incredibly thankful for these people because they are the ones that can get me through a day when it feels like the walls are closing in. These are a few of them.


First there is my beautiful sister Sommer. She has been my best friend since September 3, 1989. (That's my birthday for those of you who didn't put that together.) It is interesting though because we are nothing a like and exactly the same at the same time. She is the smart and athletic one and I'm the "I'm really good if I get a C" and artistic one. She graduated with a 4.0 GPA and Magna Cum Lada from UNT and has lived in Missouri, Oregon, and Washington. She is engaged to a great guy and will make a wonderful mother someday. She is that person I can be completely weird with and it's okay. I can be so mean to her and it's fine. And vice versa. I don't know how many times the phrase "I hate you" is muttered between the two of us. But it's all in good fun because I know she loves me and I know she would do anything for me. She understands me in a way that no one else does. We have that "sister thing" going on. If you have a sister and your close you will understand. It's unexplainable really. It just works. The hardest times I've ever had was when she moved away because there is something that makes us so close that having her away was almost like having a part of me gone too. I'm SO happy she is back and not going anywhere anytime soon! We have a wedding to plan anyway so she can't go anywhere. :)



Then there is Ericka. We met in Sophomore English in 2006. She had just moved to town from Michigan and she started hanging out with me and another girl in class. Our Junior year we had Algebra and English together. The first day of school we were both relieved to see each other in math because that meant we had someone to talk to. Little did we know that class and our English class would form a bond that still has not broke. Ericka was there for me in my darkest moments in life. She was my anchor and my light. She helped keep me going. And even though our Senior year we grew apart for a time we still had each others backs. I was afraid that when she moved back to Michigan to go to school that we would loose touch but we didn't. Our friendship could be the poster for making a long distance friendship work. We both had to put in effort. We would talk on the phone and Skype as much as we could to keep in touch. When she came home it was like nothing had changed we just pick up right where we left off. And I got the honor to be one of her Maids of Honor in her wedding last June. She has turned into this beautiful women who is now going to be in grad school at ACU! Which means she is coming home!!! I don't care that it's Abilene because Abilene is a whole let closer than Mt. Pleasant, Michigan. I don't know how much longer I could have gone with her living there. She has always been there for me when I needed her. Even in the middle of the night she is there for me.


 

Then there is Rob and Caroline Carmack. 

I've known Rob since I was an awkward 13 year old. It wasn't until the summer before I went into high school that I feel our relationship really started. I knew him, he was my youth minister, sometimes we would talk but I didn't really know him. That summer on the way to Jackson, MS, while we were there, and on the way back I was in his van. I sat in the middle seat on the front back row. It was a really fun trip because I spent most of my time talking to him and getting to know him. The more we talked the more I realized what we had in common. We both love music and reading. He has given me many wonderful book and music recommendations over the years. On the way home from Jackson he was practically the only person I talked to (or really wanted to talk to). After that he wasn't just my youth pastor he was my friend. And although we hit a rough patch my junior year we managed to repair our friendship and it is still fully intact today. I have heard him preach for 10 years and every time I hear him I learn something new. He has helped me in my relationship with God and helped me keep my faith on many occasions. The older I get the fact that Rob was the person I asked to baptize me has become more meaningful. He is one of the most influential people in my life. And yes, I know that can be a little scary. :) He has a wonderful way with words whether he is preaching onstage or writing it down. It has been such a privilege to see him go from a college student/ youth minister to a teaching pastor at a church. And from a bachelor to a husband to a father. I'm proud of him and honored to call him my friend.

I met Caroline when I was a Sophomore. She came to be a small group leader at a youth retreat called Overtime and then was a sponsor at Impact Camp 2006. But I didn't really get to know her until after her and Rob got married. She likes to say that I hated her when we first met but that is NOT true at all! So if she says that to you don't believe her. She started meeting my friend Kaitlin and I for coffee, lunch, or dinner about once a week. We would talk about our weeks and the more we got to know each other the more I loved her. She is sweet, compassionate, caring, kind, genuine, and hilarious. She is also a wonderful mother to the two most precious babies in the world, who also happen to be my favorite kids on this planet. Through the craziness of having a baby and a 3 year old she manages to still make time for me. Whether we go get a cup of coffee (which I actually drink now), grab lunch, or go to a movie I love hanging out with her. I've never thought of her as a preacher's wife. She has always just been my friend Caroline. And I am so happy she is my friend. The summer of 2010 was easily the worst summer I have had. My parents separated and I lost my job all in the same week. The nigh I lost my job I texted her and she met me so we could talk. She is my big sister when Sommer is away living in cool places like Washington and Oregon and she always makes sure I have a wonderful birthday. I've said it many times but I'm going to say it again because it is very true. I am incredibly happy that Rob married you Caroline. Our coffee/lunch/movie dates are some of the highlights of my weeks when we get to do them.

Rob and Caroline, you are wonderful people and parents. I say it all the time but it's true Sawyer and Delia are so lucky to have you two as parents. And I am lucky and grateful to have you as friends. You guys have helped me through so much in my life and I look up to you both a lot. I hope you know that I love both of you very much and I am happy to babysit and watch your dogs whenever you need me to. Thank you for being my friend.

So those are a few people that matter to me and that I can be completely myself with. They are wonderful people and I am so blessed to call them friends and most of all family.




Monday, April 1, 2013

7 years and a Savior.




This picture turned 7 years old Saturday. This picture saved my life 7 years ago. You see I was in a really dark place in my life. I was extremely depressed and couldn't find my way out. Then Jon Foreman (pictured above) of Switchfoot wore this shirt with a funny saying at a concert and this photo was posted on their myspace page with a link to a story by the same title as the shirt. I went and read the story and was moved. I saw myself in the story. The story is about a girl named Renee and she was suffering from depression, addiction, self-injury, and had attempted suicide. The story was about the 5 day rehab her friends had put together before she could enter treatment. It was about the love that surrounded her and how her friends took her in and loved on her and made her realize her worth and that she was not alone. They didn't judge her or tell her she was a horrible person. They helped her. 

7 years ago a movement was started unintentionally. 7 years ago a musician wore a shirt on stage and told people to read a story because it was a story that needed to be shared with the world. 7 years ago a MySpace page was created to give people updates on Renee's recovery and it gave people hope. 7 years ago Renee Yohe was at the darkest point in her life and she got out. She made it through and she inspired people on the way. 7 years ago I was 17 and so close to giving up I had to remove sharp objects from my room and I avoided looking at the medicine cabinet. But then I read this story and I changed my mind. I thought that if Renee could get through all these things and survive and come out a better person so could I. So I kept going. I kept reading the story and listening to Switchfoot and I got better. Each day I got a little closer to the end of the tunnel and I would eventually be completely on the other side. 7 years ago To Write Love On Her Arms, Switchfoot, and my best friend Ericka saved my life. I can honestly say that I would not be here today if it were not for them. They gave me hope and the strength to survive. 7 years ago I didn't want to be alive. 7 years ago I wanted to give up and stop trying. But 7 years ago Renee started to fight. 7 years ago Renee decided to live and get help. 7 years ago Renee's story showed me that I can go on, that I can survive, that this world is beautiful and that there is so much more living to be done. Thank you Renee Yohe, Jamie Tworkowski, To Write Love On Her Arms, Jon Foreman, Ericka Mason, and Switchfoot. I don't know where I would be with out all of you.


Yesterday was Easter. Yesterday we celebrated the Savior who gave his life for ours. He is Risen. He is King. He gave his life for me so that I could live with him eternally. That is a remarkable and beautiful thing that I am still trying to wrap my head around. Why would he do that for me? It's incredibly overwhelming and a hard concept to grasp. Why? Why does he want me? I kept asking. Then I was reminded why. I lead a LIFEgroup in the student ministry at FOTP. I absolutely love doing it. I love the girls and I love hanging out with them. I love being a positive influence in their lives. But, I always had the doubt in the back of my mind that I wasn't doing them any good. But then last Wednesday I got to have one of the most amazing honors I could have ever gotten. One of my girls asked me to help baptize her. Wow! I was so honored and blessed that she wanted me to be apart of it. It was an amazing thing. I have watched this girl change and grow so much these last few months. I had hoped that I was having a positive affect on her life and this definitely helped me see that. Then another girl who isn't even in the life group I lead told me she looked up to me. It was an honor and scary at the same time. It is wonderful to know that I am being used to further the kingdom of God.


There is a beauty in the fact that TWLOHA day and Easter happened to be back to back this year. How wonderful to celebrate life given to me in an overwhelmingly beautiful weekend.
So this weekend I celebrated the ones that saved my life. My wonderful Savior who gave his life for me so that I could live and show others how wonderful he is. And To Write Love On Her Arms, the organization that gave me hope when I literally had none. So thank you my wonderful Father in Heaven for sending your son for me and thank you To Write Love On Her Arms for showing me there is light at the end of the tunnel.