Saturday, September 10, 2016

Ten.

This is the anniversary of when my depression started. It was around this time 10 years ago that I went through the worst season of depression I have ever gone through. A lot has changed in 10 years. Some good, some bad, some happy, some sad. I do not take it lightly that the anniversary of my depression also happens to be on the same weekend as World Suicide Prevention Day. It seems almost fitting in a way.

As I sit here in my "And So I Kept Living" shirt I realize all the things going on in my life. Lots of changes are happening or in the process of happening. Some are exciting and others are stressful. As my anxiety weighs on me today I keep reminding myself that I have made it 10 years and I can make it 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 more years. In these last 10 years I have had my share of bad days. I have had my share of anxiety attacks, therapy sessions, and anti-depressant medication. But the difference in how a respond to them now and how I did 10 years ago is different. I know how to calm myself down. I can recognize when my anxiety and depression are getting worse and I need to seek professional help. I can tell when I have forgotten to take my anti-depressants and need to take them.

So, now, 10 years later what have I learned? Why have I kept living? Simply put, it's because this is not the time for my story to be over. There is more life I need to live, more adventures I need to have, more people I need to meet. More beaches and mountains to be laid on and climbed up. There are too many things I want to do in my life to stop living. Too many best friend and sister adventures that have yet to be taken.

So even with my anxiety rearing it's annoying little head today I will keep going. I will keep living.