Some ADD thoughts on school and the future.

So I'm sitting in the library of TCC Northwest campus waiting for my 11 0'clock class to start. Today we are meeting in my library so hopefully we will get out early today. I like this campus a lot better than Northeast. It's smaller, closer and the windows to my right over look Marine creek which is a much easier view to look at than the busy streets of Harwood, Precinct, and 26. It is easier to go to class over here. I guess it is because I don't have to fight through traffic to get here and when I get to the parking lot I get to look out on to a beautiful body of water. I like my teachers and they make my classes fairly interesting (as interesting as Texas Government can get).

I guess I'm more focused this year too because I am hoping to get to DBU next fall. I want to go there so bad but I still have this great fear that I am not going to be accepted and I'll just be at TCC for the rest of my life and never get to do anything in music. I'll just work at West Hurst the rest of my life making barely enough for my car payment, much less anything else. I've screwed up so much in the past 3 (going on 4) years. I skip class, stop going all together, not turn in big assignments, missed tests, and even failed an entire semester. I know where I want to be and I know that I have to put forth the effort but sometimes my laziness and flat out not wanting to do it attitude gets in the way. I hate homework with a passion. Nothing puts me in a worse mood than homework, so I either skip it all together or wait till 10pm the night before and turn in a half-assed essay and pray I get a good grade. Lucky for me writing is my strong point so even when I do wait till 11 o'clock to start a paper I can still pull it off. In fact I've never gotten less than a B on a paper that I have turned in. But that still does not give me an excuse to mess around and BS my way through school.

I see my goals but then I see all my obstacles and it's hard for me to get motivated. I just see the negative. The older I got the more cynical I've become. It all comes from being disappointed. The less I expected and the more I started expecting the worst the more surprised I would be when the worst thing did not happen. It's a horrible way to live life and I really wish I could be one of those people who just looked at life positively but I can't. Life has made that hard. Staying in one place makes change harder and staying home easier.

I am terrified of going to DBU. I'm scared that my anxiety and fear of change will send me right back to the comfort of my dysfunctional life I lead now and I'll get nowhere in life.

I am so excited to go to DBU! I'm excited to FINALLY have that "college experience" and live with other people going to the same school I do. I'm excited to meet people who share my same passion for music. I'm excited to go off and live my life.

My dream is to produce music. To go into a studio with an artist or band and make music. Dream jobs: Switchfoot and Justin Timberlake. Hands down those are the two band/artist I would absolutely freak out if I got to work with. I want to live in LA or New York or Austin or somewhere where where music is everywhere. I guess I should stop messing around and get down to business so I can get there.

I have no idea where this blog came from or where it went. This is what happens when my ADD brain has no meds for a consistent amount of time. Guess my next move toward a better future (other than actually going to class and doing my work) would be a call to the doctor's office so I can get re-focused.