I haven't written on this thing in over a month. I try to make it an, at least, once a month venture but I've had major writers block lately and haven't been able to do write ANYTHING including the stuff I need to for school. But I figure I have a few thoughts so I might as well attempt to get them out in some way.
It's Christmas time. We all survived the end of the world (again) and now in 15 1/2 hours it will officially be Christmas. And yet it seems like the "Spirit of Christmas" has been almost lost amongst everyone this season. It doesn't feel like Christmas really at all. I know its December 24th but it just feels like another day out of the year. I know I am not the only person who feels this way. It is hard to feel like it's a joyous time when every time I turn on the television or get on Facebook there is news of another tragedy and another family that has lost a loved one to soon. This is a time for us to celebrate the birth of our Savior yet death has overshadowed such a beautiful time of the year and the dark is trying desperately to cover the light.
This time of year has been hard for the last 3 years. It's the 3rd Christmas that everything is wrong. I had never had to deal with the hurt and heartache that the holidays bring to some people most of my life. I was lucky that I had, what I thought was, a pretty solid home. When people would talk about how the holidays were not the best time of year for them I didn't understand because I had never known of any pain to be associated with them. But now I understand and once again I am in the position of feeling like a naive child hoping that I will wake up tomorrow morning to a family that is no longer broken. But I'm an adult which means I have to deal with this situation in an adult way. I have to pick myself up and go on with my days with the reality that that is not going to happen, as least not this year. But I still have a glimmer of hope. When my parents start talking in the car on the way home from Gram's and they are laughing and joking it feels like I'm a kid again. But I can't let that get my hopes up to much, there is to much that can go wrong for just that moment to make me feel happy. But, I'm not going to hold onto it very firmly because I know that would be stupid of me.
So on the eve of what is supposed to be a joyous day I have a heavy heart. Not only for what is going on in my family but for every person who is dealing with pain and loss this holiday season. I pray that we find peace in whatever it is we are dealing with and that the pain will not overshadow the true meaning of Christmas.
The birth of a Savior. How wonderful is that? What a beautiful thing that is! There was a man born, the Son of God, and he was sent to rescue us all. And tomorrow we celebrate that day by being with family and praising the wonderful Heavenly Father for all he has done for us.
I hope your Christmas Eve and day are filled with joy and hope and not pain and suffering. I hope that for at least one day all the hurt can stop and that we can all be peaceful to one another. I pray that for one day we can celebrate a wonderful occasion and that when I turn on my computer or the TV that it won't be rattled with stories of hate. But instead stories of hope and peace. I know it's a lot to ask but that is my prayer.
Have a wonderful holiday and please remember why we celebrate it. It's not to get presents or eat more food than the human body should ever consume. It's about Jesus. It always has been and always will be. Remember that.
